Are you sturggling with addiction, depression or anxiety or maybe co-dependence? Can't seem to find help, feel hopeless? Here is something that helped me.

You know if you visit any of my blogs or social media accounts I love God and my Savior Jesus Christ.

So, that being said, I am a believer in Jesus Christ who is recovering from drug/alcohol addiction and co-dependence, and my name is Monty Austin

For most of my life, I couldn't seem to make anyone in my life happy it seemed. My dad was always angry with me about something. My coaches didn't think I tried hard enough and wasn't dedicated enough. My siblings pretty disowned me. My wife and mother of my four wonderful children lost hope of a normal happy life and succumbed to a mental illness and took her life.

I never could stay in any relationship after that for any length of time. I felt like it was my fault, I should have done something better, made more money, took her on trips around the world, just been there more for her. But, I never got to do that.

It made me so angry at God, I couldn't believe he could let this happen. And, I looked at the big picture, I wasn't the only one suffering unbelievable things in their lives. Reminds me of a song, I love now, where there is a line that says:

  "I shook my hand at Heaven and said, God why don't you do something!" then the next line was "I did, I created you!" 

                 Matthew West is the singer of that song, click the purple link and check it out. Let me know what you think about it!

So, I turned to drugs and alcohol to numb my pain, guilt, shame, feeling worthless, and finally suicidal.

This went on for most of my adult life. Sometimes I was able to stay sober for years at a time, but when things started getting really messed up in my life the easy answer was to use and numb the pain, go into isolation and run away from any kind of hint that someone really loved me.

I know, go throw myself a pity party. and that is exactly what I would do. I never accepted that I might be the problem, That I should look at some other point of view to find out why? Why was everything always so messed up in my life?

Then I really went off the deep end and got involved in some extremely dangerous and lifestyles. I became the guy people would call when it was a life or death situation. I was the guy that would kick down doors and "be hoping that someone on the other side had an AK47 or some kind of assault rifle or shotgun to take me out!" And if they didn't shoot me, well I would do what I was sent to do, take care of the problem, no matter what that meant! So, at that point, I knew that if there was a God he might love people like you. but I was the scum of the earth. I was taught were people like me were going. And I didn't care! I was done with humanity anyway.

But, God had a different plan for me. He wouldn't let me die, despite the several times I had been stabbed, shot and run over by a truck by someone trying to get back at me, God was there the whole time. I just refused to see it. 

I was exposed to Christianity since I was born, but never really got it? I prayed, went to church, even took my kids to church. So, I had been doing some good things in my life. But, I was in a darkness that I couldn't understand or fix. Believe me when I say I tried, everything. (NOT TAKING ANYTHING AWAY FROM THESE PROGRAMS, BECAUSE THEY PREPARED ME TO ACCEPT "MY HIGHER POWER" JESUS CHRIST) AA, NA, CA just didn't work for me. I could stay sober until I couldn't. If any of what I am saying makes any sense to you? Keep reading.

That's when I finally figured it out, when after another rehabilitation program someone suggested I check out this Christ-centered 12 step program that uses the beatitudes of the Bible, declaring "the only Higher Power is Jesus Christ." I wasn't sure I was ready for all this Christ stuff. Remember who I was?

I was always asking if there really is a God, why does he allow me to go through so much pain. I would pray in desperation when things weren't going my way. Pray and even cry asking Him to help me. But, I didn't get the answers I wanted, so God must hate me.
That is what I came to believe because I lived such a sinful life I couldn't be in His presence. 

Then the miracles started happening. I met my best friend at Church (where I was later told, I took her seat and didn't know it at the time)and the woman I will share the rest of my life with. She has taught me all about Faith, Grace, Hope, and God's love.

• Celebrate Recovery gave me the tools to do what I needed all along. 
• Develop a "Personal Relationship with Jesus Christ.
• Doing that I found HOPE! 
• At that time it was just enough to believe that God's Grace through Christ Jesus' sacrifice for me was enough. 
• Then when I opened my dark heart just enough to let Him in He responded immediatly. No, not some brillant lights, or a great "Awe Ha" moment. But, peace and comfort I'd never experienced before. 

The journey since that time is for another post. Check back and see the miracles' I have experienced in the last two years.

If you would have know me before you wouldn't believe it. WARNING: I STILL WEAR MY LEATHER! but, no patches other than Christian messages.




Let me just close this post out with a message for anyone that has made it this far in my story. Jesus Christ loves you just the way you are. There is a purpose for whatever hurt, hang-up or habits you are struggling with. But, our God is a loving caring God. Even though we may have or are now going through more than we think we can bear, He has promised us, He will never abandon us, never forsake us, or give us more than we can bear.

He is REAL! 

HIS PROMISES ARE ETERNAL!

WE JUST HAVE TO TAKE THAT FIRST STEP, STEP OUT OF DENIAL! PLEASE, ONLY YOU CAN DO IT! 

Your Savior, if you choose to accept Him, has already done the rest.

I would love to pray for you! You can send me a private email with your prayer requests. I will pray for them with my prayer team. I have seen miracles' happen when this group of people prays. Because we already know we are just servants on this earth for His Glory. He already knows what you need, even before you do. Although, we two or more are gathered in His name, in the mist He will be. I want you to know that even though we have never met, I LOVE YOU!

But I am just a man, 
let me take your request to the
Ultimate "HEALER"
  Jesus Christ!

TO SEND ME YOUR PRAYER REQUEST press the blue link below.

Prayer Request

All requests will remain private. I will never share your name or anything you tell me to anyone unless you give me permission. NEVER, EVER this is a safe place. Then the only people I will share your requests are my prayer team. These are ministry leaders at Celebrate Recovery at Lenexa Baptist Church in Lenexa, Kansas. Call and ask for Brian Rothrock if you need to verify any of this information.

Celebrate Recovery Lenexa Baptist Church